i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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