I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
