I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
