# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
