Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize