Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
