forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
