I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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