I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
