bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
