The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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