Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
