How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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