wakey wakey hands off snakey
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
