I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
