is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
