i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize