So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
