God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
