Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
