You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
