I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
