I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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