we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
