my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The power of my boobs compel you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
