I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
