I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
