Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
