Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
