So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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