Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
