This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
