bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
