I want to have your abortion
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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