We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize