I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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