Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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