Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
