I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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