I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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