I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
