It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
