i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
