It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
