We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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