I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
