before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
