I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
