My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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