I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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