apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
