Well apparently he's into motor boating.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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