Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
