I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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