Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
