laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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