his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
