Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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