RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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