If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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